Dear Wall Street,

Hi, this is the lobbyist for a group called The Taxpayers, Debtors, and Insured People of the United States. Now that we've rejected the first bailout plan, I'm sure that in the spirit of tough, free market capitalism, and spirited negotiations, you'll consider our second offer. Here are some terms that I'm SURE you will find reasonable:

1) We are willing to loan you money at a very low, introductory rate of 8.9%. If you are even one nanosecond late on your payment, your rate will go from 8.9% to 32.9% instantly. You will have no right to appeal this. The interest rate increase will be retroactive. None of this "but I mailed it out Friday" nonsense. We must get it, and the check must clear, for your payment to count. A reminder: transactions that occur after 2pm are not credited until the next business day, so be sure to make your payments before then.

2) If you are late on any of your other payments to your other creditors, your rate will also be spiked to 32.9%. I know it has nothing to do with us, but if you are late paying someone else, then OBVIOUSLY you are a bigger credit risk to us.

3) We will send you onerous terms and conditions 148,000,000 pages long in 6 point font. Of course, those terms can change on a whim, at any time, so we'll be sending you hourly updates to the contract, which we expect you to read and keep up with. Sorry, we will be the only ones that can amend the contract; you cannot.

4) You will have a predetermined credit line, and if you go over it by even $1, your interest rate will spike to 54.9%. Sorry, it's in the contract on page 109,209,392.

5) The bankruptcy laws have now changed. If you get into a bind, I'm afraid you won't find much sympathy; no more silly excuses will be accepted. We are going to have the titles to all of your buildings and physical assets put in our name, so when the inevitable time comes and you trip up, we'll simply take everything from you. There will be no court hearing.

6) We'll be conducting a background check, driving records check, drug test, and disease risk check of all of the top executives of your firm. After all, you're a riskier loan if you have any of those afflictions, aren't you? Well, if we find ANYTHING wrong, your interest rate will skyrocket, instantly, and without notice.

7) If your business is located in a "bad neighborhood", or a "poor city", or a "hurricane zone", or "flood plane", or "terrorist targeted city", as defined by us, we can raise your interest rates at any time, to any rate we choose.

For the last quarter century or so, you've imposed these terms, or some variation of them on us, when loaning us money or insuring us... arguing every single time that it's "necessary" and that these sorts of changes "will result in more profitable companies that will pass the savings along to consumers". Well, now that we're in the role of lender, and you're in the role of borrower, we're sure that you'll find these same terms fair.

Wall Street, prove the cynics wrong and accept our new plan. Prove to everyone that you're not the hypocrites that everyone thinks you are.

Best regards,

THE TAXPAYERS, DEBTORS, AND INSURED PEOPLES OF THE USA


Offer not valid in all 50 states. Terms, conditions, and interest rates subject to change at any time without notice. Borrower subject to intrusive credit, background, education, and criminal checks before issuance of loan. Upon any dispute, arbitration will be decided by someone tilted to rule in favor of taxpayers, and not by any independent or otherwise objective authority.

From the mind of Tiberius


Now that's a plan I can live with --- wait a minute.... I have been for a few years now!!!

tara
loved it great
es

I Like It

Boom

ok here is another one along the same lines:

This is the only bail out suggestion that makes total
> sense... Lets vote for
> this guy..
>
>
>
> AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE BAIL OUT
>
> SPY received this comment from a reader, which is offered
> here, not as a SPY
> endorsement, but in recognition that many thinking adults
> beyond the Beltway
> have an alternative point of view.
> Hi Pals,
>>
>> I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.
>
>>
>> Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to
> America in a We Deserve
>> It Dividend.
>>
>> To make the math simple, let's assume there are
> 200,000,000 bonafide U.S.
>> Citizens 18+.
>>
>> Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every
> man, woman and
> child.
>> So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and
> up..
>>
>> So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that
> equals $425,000.00.
>>
>> My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a
> We Deserve It
> Dividend.
>>
>>
>> Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
>>
>> So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.
>>
>> Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
>>
>> That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
>>
>> But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in
> their pocket.
>>
>> A husband and wife team has $595,000.00.
>>
>> What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in
> your family?
>>
>> Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
>>
>> Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
>>
>> Put away money for college - it'll be there
>>
>> Save in a bank - create money to loan to
> entrepreneurs.
>>
>> Buy a new car - create jobs
>>
>> Invest in the market - capital drives growth
>>
>> Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health
> care improves
>>
>> Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else
>>
>> Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+
> including the folks who
>> lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other
> company that is cutting
>> back. And, of course, for those serving in our Armed
> Forces.
>>
>> If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's
> really do it...instead of
>> trickling out a puny $1000.00 ("vote buy")
> economic incentive that is
> being
>> proposed by one of our candidates for President.
>>
>> If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout,
> let's bail out every adult U
> S
>> Citizen 18+!
>>
>> As for AIG - liquidate it.
>>
>> Sell off its parts.
>>
>> Let American General go back to being American
> General.
>>
>> Sell off the real estate.
>>
>> Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and
> clean it up.
>>
>> Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG
> doesn't.
>>
>> Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never
> work."
>>
>> But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
>>
>> How do you spell Economic Boom?
>>
>> I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use
> the $85 Billion
>>
>> We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at
> AIG or in Washington
> DC.
>>
>>
>> And remember, This plan only really costs $59.5
> Billion because $25.5
>> Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

I LIKE FREDDIE'S

I like them both.

Anyone want a good recipe for squirrel kabobs?

Trade you for...possum stew or roadkill surprise!!!!

on Bonaire we wont starve...we can eat iguana stoba and cactus soup. Let's see how many trillions will be "lost" today..

Chuck, I never ate possum, they weren't around this far north when I was a kid. How do you prepare it? We have a few living around here now and ..... if it got to that, I would want to cook it right. I have shared with others here how one of my relatives (city folk, their kids clothes didn't have patches on them) was visiting one time when my Mother had made "racoon and dumplins", remember how when she asked for a refill (good thing about cooking a big coon, ya get a lot of good meat out of it) and was told what it was. In the words of Beau: "Ahhh wisht ah had a camrah thet day."

Michael, if I lived there, I'd be fishing.

Freddie being the engineer I am, I have to point out 85 billion divided by 200 million is $425 not $425,000. That's the kind-of math that got us here in the first place.

Well Tom it depends

If you get it fresh (with a 223 cal)you have dress and clean after that add tenderizer and salt then boil for 30 minutes place in another pot that the taters,carrots, etc have been simmering in..after 20 minutes dip and serve.

For pre-squeezed clean...clean again...then clean again (this removes all road & tire evidence) just follow above cooking directions.

Remember to save the grease it has many uses.

Freddie --

I wish the math in your post was accurate (a much better story), but to "divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon" does not equal $425,000.00. But rather $425. Unless I am math impaired more seriously than I think at this hour.

Sorry to spoil a good story.

WOO-HOO!!!! Will my .222 work? (Yes, I know it will.)

Are "Pocket Fishermen" allowed on Bonaire? No? Well that explains "the looks" others gave Smack, Timmmy and I.

Damn!!!! Dang I thought it was too good to be true

Yesterday they were arguing over a 700 billion dollar package to buy up assets & securities. Because of their failure to agree the US market lost 1.1 TRILLION in value in one day. That's not counting in Asia & Europe.
Somethings REALLY REALLY wrong with this equation!

No big deal, Vince they made back half of it today.