But since you all are such good friends and keep thinking of me and my family....We'll just do it over here...

Thank you everyone. We are definitely in the end stages now. It's hard. Hospice Councelors are coming to be w/ my Mom a lot right now. This is good. She pretends to be so strong. But, they make her talk, and she cries and gets it out. Dad knows what's going on, but he fades in and out. Sometimes he's just talking about...we aren't sure what. He's still able to get around, barely, w/ a walker, for a very short time. Not really going anywhere, just shuffelling along through the house. He has no strength and just nods off every few minutes. I've never been through anything like this before. Looking at him last nite, when he'd fallen asleep in his chair, was just the scarriest thing I'd ever seen. He does not resemble the man that he used to be. But, that man is still in there. He still shows how much he loves us. He still gets grumpy, and I like that. He still makes jokes. But, there's just not much left of him. He's so small.

Early April of '07, right before the C was found, he was here fixing our water softener. I was looking at him & thinking "What a good looking guy. Look at how he dresses, so nice. His Reeboks are so white. He's got such pretty hair. Damn, we are all so lucky to have this man in our lives. He's here for ANYTHING & EVERYTHING. He has bailed me out of the crap of my life so many times..." That day I cried, just because I knew how lucky we all are. That day is embedded in me, and THAT is how I will remember my Dad. That day, sunny and bright, and he was here, helping me, again...

Right after that, April 23rd, we found out about the C.

I wish there was a cure for this horrific disease. What it has done to him, my mom, all of us. And to so many other families, a lot of us on here. It's just BAD!

He is letting ME do things for HIM now. I think that was hard for him to do. But it makes me feel so much better. And, there is not enough on this earth that I can do for him. I would do anything. I want to do everything. I want to fix him, the way that he has "fixed" my life and helped me. But, I can't. I can only be there and let him know that I love him and I thank him, w/ every bit of my being, for being MY Dad.

Thank you all for being here, for me. Thank you for emails, some I haven't answered, because I haven't wanted to talk about it. But it's so real, I can't make it go away. I just want to say THANK YOU for being my friends.

((((((((Many Hugs)))))))

I'm so sorry to hear of the news. I am so sorry that your dad is so ill. Lots of hugs, and thoughts to you and your family.

PS I won't go in to what I feel...I think you know that....if you need me or the PGR let me know. Hugs to you and your family.

And really do not hesitate to let me know.

Chuck
BH
***

Hold onto the good memories Pegi, hold on to them real tight.

From what you share, your Father is a wonderful "Dad" and he is lucky that you are such a wonderful daughter!!!

Virtual hugs from the both of us until we can next give them to you in person.

Pegi..I have lost several immediate family members to "the Alien" I know how you feel. My Dad was a victim also to it. I love you. i am so sorry for your pain. God Bless you and I pray for your and your Family's (especially your Mom) strength. Keep enjoying every moment you can with him. What a wonderful gift to have such a great DAD...

A very beautiful sentiment, there PS. I'm sure your father knows about your love for him, how can he not? The end times are so tough on everyone.

On this note, we are going through the same thing at the same time. Sue's mom is in the end game of her fight against C. Like your father she is in and out, sometimes her old self is present most times she just sleeps. She is comfortable and in no pain. She knew this was coming and planned her entire funeral and service.

I am with you in hating cancer, it has taken way to many great people way to early.

PS, not much I can say that others haven't said. As I have tears streaming down my face, knowing the pain you are going through, well, just know that we are here for you 24/7 when you need us. Gentle hugs for you both.

I hate cancer.

Cecil, I'm sorry you & Sue are going through this now too. I'm sorry for anyone who has. And I know there are LOTS of folks.

Keeping them comfortable and pain free is essential!!! Dang, up the moriphene(sp?), what the he))!!! It isn't gonna hurt him! That's one thing I am grateful for, Hospice. If he needs something, it is there! They're the best!!

Cecil, a big hug to Sue, you and all the family.

I've been down that dark road, I feel your pain.

For the first time in years, I'm at a lost for words.

ps
i am sitting here crying. lost my mom to c in feb 1998. my sister was the sole care taker. i was living in japan at the time which made it very hard to go back and forth. i to have great memories of everything she did for me. she even taught my children how to play cards and they loved it!!!!!! i miss her terribly but the good memories keep me smiling. we also had hospice for her and they were terrific.
lots of hugs and prayers.
es

PS1 and Cecil and the others that are going through this with friends and family - MANY HUGS to you all. I too have been through this with my father. Alas his time was brief (a mixed blessing) but I agree with you PS - the Hospice people and finally the actual Hospice locale was the best thing from the entire ordeal. That is an amazing organization.

Know that yes, we are here - 24/7.

ps thank u for sharing during this difficult time.
es

PS and Cecil; I've been there before with my dad (3-1/2 years ago) and now am in the final stages with my MIL. Hospice is the absolutely best organization of angels I've ever dealt with. They have to be for all they do for us and our loved ones. Don't hesitate to use their services to the fullest; that's what they're there for. I don't know how Mom and I would have made it through if not for Hospice. We miss them terribly, but know their final days and hours were pain-free and comfortable.

My prayers are with you and everyone else who has to deal with this demon. I can't say enough to comfort you but, know I'm with you too.

PS, I am so not good with words when it comes to this sort of thing, so I will just say...please know you, your dad and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

PS, like the others here, I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face, too. We had hospice for my mom, and my sister and I took shifts staying there. Hardest, but one of the best times of my life. We talked about so much during those last 2 months, and I'd get in the bed with her and hold her hand and she'd tell me stories about when I was a kid - stories about her life, and her family.
2 nights before she passed, she woke me at 5:00 in the morning and told me her dad and brother were there. (they had passed on earlier) She said, "They're not really here, are they?". I said I thought they probably were, if she was so sure (she'd been talking to them all night). She told me days before when we talked about the moment of her passing, that she would take her father's hand and go. That's what I like to think she did.

Stirs up so much with so many of us, I guess. Prayers for you and your family in a big way. xx

Tears in my eyes and a big lump in my throat ...

Like so many others I have been through this as well. I still find my self talking to those I have lost, in my thoughts. And still often think 'oh I have to call and tell . . ' then stop as I know I can not call any more. My point is that although those we love are not here, they are in our hearts, forever. Good memories, little and big, last forever.

My heart is with you PS, Sue, Judy, and all who have been through this as well. How fortunate we all are to have loved and been loved so deeply.

I'm so glad that you can be there with your dad and mom. I'm at a total loss for words other than to say that I'm right there in the patch with you and always at the other end of the phone.
Hold on tight to those thoughts and remember to lean on your friends - that's what we're here for.

Cecil and Sue, Judy and all others going through this now too (sad that there are so many) may you find comfort in your friends and your memories.
Denise, you said it well. To be loved and to love.

Pegisue sending hugs and love your way for the family............ Call me if you need to talk........

Cecil and Sue and Judy, hugs to you also and many thoughts your way.

Cancer sucks. Don't know what else to say about it. It has taken far too many lives, young and old.


(Message edited by Eileenbkimmett on July 18, 2008)

PegiSue, it took me most of the day to type this as each time I would begin I'd break into tears. Your Dad is so very blessed to have a wonderful daughter in you!!! He knows this. This time is tough and so many of us have been through what you're going through right now; me included.

Hospice is a wonderful. I am thankful that you & your mom have them as their kind, gentle care will comfort you all. Take in every moment you have, here now, with your Dad as that's important. The rest of life can wait for you; and it will! Your canvas' will be there, the paints will be there AND we will be here!!!
Honor your Dad with your love and presence. He knows you are there and your Mom, I am sure, is so very thankful to have you close by.

I am so sorry about what you're dealing with and facing ahead. As others have said we'll be here to lean on, always. We'll also be here, at the ready, on the other end of the phone anytime!

In all of this, please take care of yourself too. Your Mom needs you and so do we.

Love and hugs to you, my friend....

PegiSue,
(((((HUGS)))))

PegiSue - my heart goes out to you & your Mom and your Dad. Such a difficult time and such a dreadful disease. It has touched so many of us at some time. Remember that very special day in early April of '07....that would be the way he wants to be remembered.
Cecil & Sue & Judy - my heart goes out to you too.
I wish you all strength and peace and knowing that you've all done as much as you possibly could.
Hospice is a wonderful organization.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs

PegiSue Cecil Sue - I just can't imagine how difficult this must be for you ...

............

Again

third and last try

Almost there.

(Message edited by bonaire9 on July 19, 2008)

Form Bette.


(Message edited by bonaire9 on July 19, 2008)

I just want to thank all of you SO much for the responses. I think this is a good thread, we are all sharing things that we normally hold inside. I'm so sorry for everyone who has or is going through this. Knowing you all are here, anytime I need to "vent", or just to chat, is a great thing. THANK YOU.

Pegi Sue and Cecil and Sue... know that my heart goes out to you at this time. I am sooooo sorry you are going through this and don't really have anything else that hasn't been said already. Big hugs, healing thoughts and prayers for you and your family members... may their pain and struggles be over peacefully.

Remember who and how they were and cling to that, you know that's what they'd want, and remember... they never really leave as long as those of us here remember.

Pegi Sue, I'm coming in late here, as I only got home an hour and a half ago, and have been trying to "catch up" after having been gone 10 days. I give you big hugs, girlfriend.

My Dad, older brother, and my BIL all died from lung cancer. It is an ugly disease, and I also HATE it. Your Mom is in good hands with Hospice. They helped my sister so much, because every time her hubby started to slip away, she'd call to him, no no - don't leave me! They helped her to accept the inevitable, and give her Jack permission to go. And he did. I hope they help your Mom in the same way when the time comes.

Cecil - hugs to you and Sue, too. Hang in there for your lady and her family!

I'm sorry I just got to this thread. Hugs and support to all of you!

PegiSue,
I just got back tonight from visiting Amanda in NJ. I am so sorry about your Dad. I wish I could be there to hug you. I am here for you for whatever you need. I know how hard this must be....praying for you!!!

PS, Cecil and Sue - Hugs to all and know that you are in my thoughts. Memories are the most cherished moments which are never forgotten.

Pegi Sue, George and Cecil, Sue - please know that, although I only found this thread, you and your families are in our thoughts and prayers.

Be strong for the rest of your families, but be there for each other, when the strength fails, and you need help to continue.

And always remember that all of us are here whenever you need the extra support.

Bill and Karen