A blonde was visiting Washington D.C. for the first time and wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortuantely, she was having trouble finding it. Finally she saw a police officer
and asked him for directions.

"Well if you wait at that bus stop right there and get on the 54, it will take you right there." explained the officer.

"Thank you" she cooed, and walked to the bus stop.

Five hours later, the police officer was driving by again, and sure enough, the blonde was still standing at the bus stop.

The officer stopped and said "Excuse me miss, but I told you that to get to the Capitol building, you take the number 54, and it will take you right there. What are you still doing
here?"

"Oh don't worry officer." she replied. "It won't be long now. The 47th bus just went by."

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"

Goodmorning
Nice balance BH...

(Message edited by vtscuba on April 17, 2008)

COMPUTER TERMS - TEXAS TRANSLATION:
LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the farwood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM: That thing tha splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter time
PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter time
WINDOWS: What to shut when it's cold outside
SCREEN: What to shut when it's black fly season
BYTE: What them dang flies do
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP: What's in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife
LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the dang truck keys
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knives
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole
MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn roof
ENTER: Northerner talk fer "c'mon in, y'all"
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya can't 'member what ya paid fer the rifle

BH

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

And for the golfers out there...........

Paul was teeing off from the back tees. On his down-swing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Alison, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Alison directly in the right temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later Paul received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy.
'Paul, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?'
'Yes sir,' Paul replied, 'that's correct.'
'Well, Paul, I also found a large bruise on Allison's right hip. Do you know anything about that?'
'Yes sir,' Paul said, 'That would have been my mulligan.'

Mothers - Thank God for them.

Genealogy

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The Mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

On that last joke, we were golfing once and a buddy hit a low ground ball and it hit a Canada goose square in the head killing it dead. His buddies being good friends took his golf ball and put it on the dead goose and told him to hit it from where it lies.

OMG - can this day go by any FREAKIN' slower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I NEED FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG....Yo MO....you are sooooooooo right!!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

L

Hey - I want that job.... Official Park Bench Snooze tester.

OMg - it's only been 10 minutes since the last imt I looked at the clock. PLEASE 4:30 hurry up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dance evolution This is so funny!! Had to share!

And of course almost EVERYTHING fun is blocked on the work website. I never see any of the youtube stuff or nuthin...

Right now it sucks to be me - LOL!

Yo MO.....Cecil posted a site the other day......ztunnel.com.....I think......lets you get past those pesky little blocks!

L

Dance evolution This is so funny!! Had to share!

hmm, didnt mean to post it 2wce

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCYaw5tGYAs&feature=related

KIV, we need you!

KIV we love you.

I'm sorry - I must rant on here... This is part of an email that we(as fitness class participants) just received. And this is a LARGE group of people that have received this email.

"Hello again, I need to agoloigize and say I am sorry for the confussion. Just to clarify here is what I meant most of you seem to get your visits in by around the 2nd or 3rd week in the month so I what I am going to do is around this time begin to send those participants who have comepleted 8 visits by the second or third week their pass for the next month so that one you do not have to go pick it up in 310 and two you do not have to wait till the 1st or 2nd of the month to get your pass. For those that have not got their 8 visits by then will still have time to get your visits in. There is no rush for you to get the 8 visits in by the 2nd week you can space them out or however you want. What I will do is each Monday I tally the visits for the week before and as each of you complete your visits I send you a pass. "

Seriously - can we say SPELL CHECK PEOPLE and maybe we can even type the email into a word document first to help with things like run-on sentences, tense mingling and other little petty things. It's one thing if this was just a quick post like on here but it's another thing when it is going to say 2,000+ people of a major company - SHEESH!!!

OK -rant off...

How about 5-8 pages of that stuff? Yep, that's me right now. Grading final papers before the semester ends.

Here's my favorite golf joke:

Four golfers who like to gamble wind up in the same foursome. The pot builds throughout the day until they reach the 18th green, where Charlie has a chance to putt for dough. If he makes his 10-foot putt, he wins $200.

Charlie lines up his putt, but just as he's about to take his stance, a funeral procession begins passing by on the road that runs alongside the 18th hole.

Charlie steps away from his ball, sets down his putter, takes off his hat and places it over his heart, and waits for the funeral procession to completely pass. One all the cars in the funeral procession have passed, Charlie picks up his putter and begins lining up the putt again.

"Wow," one of his opponents says. "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. You've got a makeable putt for $200, yet you stopped and paid your respects. You really are something."

"Well," Charlie says, "we were married for 25 years."

Yo MO.....I used to have a boss that wrote e-mails even worse than that, and the distribution list included 8 doctors. I used to have to "translate" for my co-workers.....when I could. One of the many reasons I no longer work there.

L

Whats your problems Mara?
I sae nothen rong with thats email.
Looks likes sum good infomashun.

Jerry - your sentences were too short for me to comprehend if you would only put them into a more complete manner so I could read them without those pseky punctuation marks that would make it all the better for me

Whats your problems Mara I sae nothen rong with thats email Looks likes sum good infomashun

still too short of a sentence Jerry but I will forgive you at this time as I am thinking we need some of these pearls from Tribs. My question to her...do you ever feel the need to beat some of them with a stick?

Just kidding - I would never suggest physical punishment...for teenagers/early twenties...much

ah c'mon girl, ain't ya evah been confussed?

Not that I would admit to pubicly

I plead the fifth!

I do keep a list of "interesting" answers. Here are two good laughs.

Bay of Pigs: this is when the US bombed Cuba in retaliation for them helping Japan bomb California.

Who fought in the US Civil War: the US and Russia.

And another one...I seem to be receiving more and more papers that DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE PROPER NOUN in the entire paper. The students write solely using pronouns. Unbelievable.

Here is something that might make some of you smile.

While going through boxes of old (AND DANG IMPORTANT) stuff last evening I found a ticket for a B.T.O. concert from 1976. Concert was in Montreal, cost was $6.00. Sure made me smile thinking that I had six bucks cash in my pocket sometime in 1976.

LET IT ROLL: http://youtube.com/watch?v=PjaCh5Akg6Q

You people are being to sererouis.

Tribs, who winded the war?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ou8kBroGnaU&feature=related

Jerry...Canada.

I nodit!

Dahn Spanish!

(Message edited by bonaire9 on April 17, 2008)

Canada 0 but I thought they were fighting the Chinese. I'll never get that history thing straight.

Actually Jerry I think it was Bob who winded the war - have you smelled him lately????

And where the heck is Steve these days??? Has Bob landed???

I wondered what a Slanish was but I figured it was French Candian talk for somethin

Should be soon.

Slanish??????

don't try to cover it up - I saw it.

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong, "Yes, Nurse Tracy ," said Mr. Wallace. "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and
sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences."

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking
down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas. He met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Wallace," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."

"But, Nurse Tracy I cant," replied Mr. Wallace.
"I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.

"Yes," said Nurse Tracy, "you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"

(You've gotta love this ..)

Well," he replied, "Today is the viewing."

Don't make baby Jerry cry, or he will post this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p8FNO3Z0UQ
"Music Just For Tommy-Boy" all over the place.

Don't forget - I can't see youtube so post away but please don't cry - we don't need to stinkin' tears here.

And nice retort to "seeing it" Cecil.

come on ya'll I need 8 more minutes of chatter and then I am heading to the ranch.

Sorry...I've been reading news. There was a bomb threat at Northern Illinois University about an hour ago. Nothing definitive yet.

MAN - It's time to go - a good walk and a glass of wine - I hear my name being called.

Be good everyone and thanks for helping this day move along.

Have a nice evening Mara.

PS, you around?

I just got here. Took a while to figure out Mara's email!! That's insane!!

Wow, It's almost time, isn't it Jerry?
I think I'll have to sit this out tonite, got a little carried away at the restaurant last nite...well, I was in the lounge and there's a drink called a "Johnny Depp" and I just HAD to try it...well, 4 later George was driving me home and tonite I will go back and pick up my truck!! I think I had a good time!!

Coffee is ok.

I'm having some Iced Tea. I've drank water all day, one bottle of Gatoraide. I've watched the Travel Channel all day, when I wasn't asleep. Good thing George is off today. He's at the gallery, I'm comatose!

I think I drank tequila last nite!!

Hi Jerry
Luv ya back YoMO....know you're gone home but thanks for the HI!

Has the cork popped yet? I'm getting ready to sip on a Crown and something!

PS, hope you'll recover Go shop, you'll feel better LOL!

Hey Kobi!!!

Hey chickie.....just peeking in.

SHOP!!!LOL
I am in my pajamas still!!!

Jerry, it's time!

Ok, forget that idea then But I'm sure you'd look cute anyway hee hee.

I am enjoying some quiet time. I put YOUR daughter in her X pen for a nappy and the other girls are here on the couch with me sawing some logs

HEY JERRY, BEAU WANTS TO SEE YOUR WETSUIT!!!

Hi all (cept for Jerry Mani... can't say it), bye all.

My 'jammi's are a big t-shirt and ripped up sweat pants...yep, I look cute! I'm not really up for going in public today...now I know why they call it "to-kill-ya"!!LOL
MY daughter should be here, with ME! I'm sure she's an angel!

Night, Tom

Will peek in again soon. Have to hit the trail. Gotta let PegiSue's daughter out from her cell/X pen. Then I must burn up the
roads @ $3.53/gallon; dog food to buy, Bon stuff to buy, food stuffs to buy and just plain consuming to do.

Have a good night, PS, Jerry, Freddie and.....

When I visit ya, this year, I might can fit her under the plane seat; then you can see her horns for yourself LOL!

Hugs, PS

I'm a happy guy, thanks KIV.

It's wine / coffee time.
Here's to you KIV.

I am still waiting for you to get here!! Waited at the "lounge" last nite, you never showed up!! See, it's all your fault!!
Good nite and hugs to you too!!!

I just like that pic Jerry...I'm gonna have to get a pic for our Happy Hour postings!
Nite Tom!
I'm going back to the Travel Channel now. It's been "Wild Caribbean" all day. There was a whole segment on Bonaire, it was great!!!

Awwww, Jerry, awesome picture. Wonderful photo of two wonderful peeps. Lifting my glass to you both!!!
Thanks for the smile before I left

PS, sorry I didn't make it down there sooner Will get there; remember.......PPS!!!

Hey Kobi!! We would jump up and down for joy if gas was only $3.53/gallon - Guy just paid $4.23 this morning $75 to fill his Ford Ranger....YUCK!!
We need pictures of that sweet little angel

Gotta run to the bank.... see ya'll in a little bit
HI PEGISUE!!!! HOW'S IT HANGING?!!

That's ok Tara...my head stopped hurting a while ago...yell all you want!!LOL

Awww man... I missed all the fun
So tomorrow can we have a picture of your store and Timmmy's painting?? I love that shot on your site of your front window

George is supposed to take me back downtown to get my truck later, and I'm taking my camera!! I love the window at nite, and there's no reflections on the glass. So, then I'll post 'em on here for you to "window shop"!!

Very cool

I'm going to try to get the whole building too. It reminds me of downtown Kralendijk...it's the same color with the white trim. I love it!!

Thank you Maam.... now I really need to get my arse to the bank and make this deposit.

I have been thinking it's Friday all day
Still 2 1/2 hours to go.... now I sound like Mara!!

I'm back from happy hour at some new sports bar at the outlet mall and yahhhh I'm feeling kinda happy

I need a job !

Sorry Timmmmy only got one. From here.



Night all, going to go watch the Sox beat the bombers. Last night I fell asleep when it was tied with 3 field goals a piece, I missed the Yankee's touchdown, I never did hear how they missed the extra point.

Ok, I'm back. Got my truck, took pics. So, here ya go!!
I just felt this was fitting tonite...it's a shirt I have hangin' in the front window!

Those DON'T look good!!! I'm sorry Timmmy!!! I am not good at this sometimes!

Yeah!!! Thanks PegiSue What a great shop. I love the overhang - is it tin?

They look good to me!

I'm puttin' on my sketchers and we're all going for a walk, I hope...a long one.

I feel like I can do 2 times around tonight, minimum.

Oh, BTW, I cooked chicken breasts and sliced them up with garlic, in Healthy Heart butter. Loaded them with parsley and and all kinds of spices besides the garlic cloves. Made a wild salad with spinach, endives, and romaine hearts, threw in some baby corn, black olives, and feta. Tossed with olive oil and lime juice. Yum.

Larry got....a pan of 5 baby red potatoes with real butter and chives and some bread, on top of that.

Time to walk.

His metabolism is unreal.

Look at your fingernails. See the moons at the bottom? His take up over half his fingernail. Mine barely show. No fair.

Is it 5 o'clock yet? Oh my gosh - I'm way over due! It's Gentleman Jack time! I spent too much time outside pulling weeks and stuff!

Tomorrow I plan to put on my neoprene booties and get in the lake and pull some more of the weeds. It's been about 2 years since we've put any work into the shoreline, and it's very needy. Alex is wanting to play in the lake and build sand castles, so it's time to clear it up. I promised her a boat ride this Sunday so we need to get the marine battery charged for the trolling motor.

Hey PS!! Store looks awsome..I love it, maybe someday I'll make it down to go SHOPPING!!
see ya in Destin Sat night, do not forget our GNO!! Eileen?