Medical Insurance Explained

Q What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents.

Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third-world country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot .

Q Will health care be different in the next decade?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.



DOES THIS SOUND LIKE YOUR PLAN>>>>consider dying, as an option!

Thanks for the chuckles

Hey, the University of Vermont's Medical School is not located in a third world country!!!

Besides where else but at our state's major hospitals can you and your dog both get treated by the same doctor

JANE & ARLENE

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the heck is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

How to tell if your feet stink...

R&K, LMAO here!!!

Dr. Jones goes to the retirement home for his monthly rounds. He sees Joe and asks him, "Joe, how much is three times three?" Joe responds "59." He goes over to Tom and asks, "Tom, how much is three times three?" Tom responds, "Wednesday." He finally goes over to John and asks, "John, how much is three times three?" "NINE" replies John. "That's right ...now how did you come to that answer?" "It was easy...I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!"

This is for you...Jim McPeak!

Talking USMC Dog

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog for Sale"

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services...the United States Marines. You know one of their nicknames is "The Devil Dogs."

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down.

I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's such a bul*sh***** ... He never did any of that stuff. He was in the Navy.


(Message edited by therog on January 31, 2008)

Thanks Rog. But you have that joke all wrong. Marines are the biggest bull$hitters in the world. Just look at me. LOL And then to top it off with being Irish, it's a deadly combination.

While we are on this subject.

There was this battalion of marines marching down the road. Up on the hill in front of them appears a drunk sailor and he starts yelling at them.

Marines are all wusses, no good and other nasty things. The Lt. Colonel peels of a squad and tells them to go get that sailor. They run up over the hill and there is the sounds of a big battle with lots of yelling and screaming.

A few minutes later the same drunk sailor is back on the hill yelling at the marines. Well the colonel breaks off a company to get the sailor. Well same thing happens big battle and the drunk sailor is still on the hill.

The colonel sends his remaining men up the hill with the same result. The colonel pulls out his pistol and heads up the hill. On the way he came upon one of men lying on the ground bleeding and beat up and he said.

























































Colonel don't go, it's trap, there's two of them.

I should be working...... Hi Patrick!!!
talk about best friends

Every baby needs a dog
dare you not to laugh!!

no time to read, just look at pics...LOL Karen...

Jerry, that cornfuses me...