I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you Know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I la-d on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

jerry...l..m..a...o...

A priest is walking down the street one day when he sees a small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. But the doorbell is just out of his reach.
He watches the boy’s efforts for some time, until finally he crosses the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy turns and yells, “NOW WE RUN!”

The Sermon this Mom will never forget....
>
> "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven
> and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you, we are but
> dust." He would have continued but, at that moment, my very obedient
> daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite
> audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

Jerry, BH, you guys made me laugh out loud AGAIN! people are starting to wonder about me!

The first one brings to mind another sign I've heard about:

Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.