Today at soccer practice, an aunt of one of our players was so rude I was left speechless! She was observing our drills and when we took a break goes "why are you coaching?" I said excuse me? She said " your fat, you need to exercise and lose that fat belly. (I'm a size 12, not exactly small but not morbidly obese)Then she proceeds to look at one of our girls who is larger and says "she must be your daughter, she's fat too. I was speechless! I could care less what she thought of me but she brought the girl to tears and she later told her mother she didn't want to play soccer anymore. I have never encountered such rudeness! What on earth would bring someone to say such a thing? I like to always see the sunny side of things and the good in people but I'm bumming tonight. I guess I need to call Jenny Craig.

Rosanne, what a horrible horrible thing to say...I am speachless...I'd like to cold cock that woman!!!!! What a shallow Bi$ch...I imagine she has no depth, few if any real friends, and is a very shallow and unhappy person.

You have ALL the things she does not...Take pride in who you are, how you love your family, and how you love others. That is ALL that matters...she does not!

Thanks GH. there are very few times in my life I'm speechless and this was one of them. I'm angry with myself because I had to fight back the tears and I should have insisted she apologize to the little girl. I let her get the best of me and shouldn't have. My first instinct was to clock her and then ask questions but that would have made me more ignorant then her. I will practice some self esteem boosting yoga tomorrow and try and let it go.If she shows up at the next practice I'm not promising I will behave like a lady.

Rosanne, I'd say that this has everything to do with her and nothing to do with you. Of course you were speechless; you don't spend your time being mean to people, so you've got nothing ready when it's time to be a jerk.
I bet this broad isn't very popular with anybody else around there either...form a committee an freeze her out. Really, anybody who would say that to anyone, but especially a young girl deserves to be officially sanctioned in some way.
Or, you could have me come down and pick a fight with her...I'm probably not as nice as you are!

Barbara, you and I can join forces I agree, Rosanne does not spend time being mean to people...and form a committee to freeze her out and appologize to you, and the little girl...no need to call Jenny Craig...looks don't mean much and money doesn't matter...it's what you do with your life and how you help your fellow man that counts big hugs

Rosanne....1) You are a twig. Give me a break, a size 12 is perfectly fine! 2) You are the coach. Toss her out if she shows up again. She was out of control with regards to the child and you have the right as coach to kick her out. Do it! (She was out of control with you too, but kick her out on the grounds of hurting the child.) 3) The sad part of all of this is that she probably won't be the last rude person you encounter while coaching. No one wants to get out there and coach the kids anymore, but they sure do want to treat the coaches badly and WOW! can they be overly critical of everything a coach does.

Sorry this happened to you.

Rosanne -- what a miserable selfish person she is!
That's her warped way of getting attention - right, wrong or indifferent.
Someone like that has no friends & probably doesn't want them for fear they will see through her & her games.
If she shows up again maybe some opening words to her that if she can't support the team she's not welcome and to leave the grounds.
I hope that little girl doesn't quit -- it's so hard for kids to comprehend when adults are so incredibly rude.
Big Hugs

I would be speechless too! No way could you be prepared for such an attack. The nerve of that sad excuse for a human being. Tribs is right. If she shows up again she should be asked to leave - or better yet, call the parent of her niece and request that the aunt not return to the field. Firmly, but keep your dignity. That woman shouldn't be around children.

You are out there building character, skills, and confidence in those children, and she shattered your efforts in that one child with her nastiness. You know who you are, and you can't allow her to make you question yourself. I know lots of pretty, size 8 women who's whole focus is how they look, not how they feel, think, or act. I don't think they're worth a grain of salt. They wouldn't be sitting on a soccer field in the blazing sun or drizzling rain like you will be, with the focus on the kids, not me, me, me. That's the way it should be. Keep up the good job you're doing with your kids. It pays off in the long run.

Rosanne, first of all big hugs to you for staying in control of your emotions.

I was a cheer coach a couple years ago and couldn't believe the comments that were said behind my back. It's very hard to brush them off and let them go, but that is what you have to do for the children's sake. We ended up having a parent only meeting and got everything out in the open. I said "I don't get paid for this and if anyone else can do a better job then step on up and do it". No one did of course. People don't want to take on the responsibility but they sure can't wait to complain about someone that is willing to try.

That women is very insecure to make a comment like she did. Weight goes up and down, looks fade with time, it is what's inside that counts. You have inner and outer beauty and you care about these girls and that is what they need. If she comes again, I would tell her you want only positive comments spoke in front of the children and if she can't do that then she needs to leave. Don't let her negative energy pull you down. Someone like that isn't worth your time or energy.

We put our children in sports to boost self esteem, among other things, and I can't believe that a grown women would say such a damaging comment in front of a child. I will never understand some people.....

Keep your head up and don't let her comment make you second guess yourself. She is not worth it.

OK - I'll be mean first and then encouraging!

WHAT A FREAKIN B*^CH! What kind of loser would be so self centered, stupid, uncaring, egotistical, shallow, and flat out RUDE! I have heard some rude things in my life but NEVER anything as ridiculous as that and trust me when I say that if I had been there and heard that then my size 16 a** would have been sitting on top of her, pulling her hair, pushing her face in the ground until she relented and apologized to that young child and to you. To not even realize how fragile children are, how delicate their ego is at a young age and how any comments can be taken to heart is ridiculous.

So now the encouraging part - You may want to have a parents meeting and discuss what is and is NOT acceptable forms of behaviour with your soccer team. I do believe that, as painful as it is, I would tell her if she does show up that she is not welcome, that she is damaging to the team and she needs to leave and allow the parents to turn on the woman as well. As Lisa said, if you even thought about giving up coaching I doubt there would be too many people who would be there to take over.

YOU are doing great things by being a coach, encouraging self-esteem and TRYING to teach the kids that it is what is inside that is the most important part of life. And if it doesn't work just let us all know and we'll have a BT meet on her a**. She'll understand what an o-ring can really do, what 7 mils of neoprene can do to a person in the sun, how you really wear a hood, what a good wet webbed weight belt feels like and if worse comes to worse we can just pull out Martin's gadget...

Big hugs to you Rosanne.

I vote for punching her. Way beyond rude. Do not let this lady back near the kids again. There is no excuse or redemption for what she did to that child. An apology would not cut it, although it would be a start.

Rosanne do not let this (insert C word) get to you, she was wrong and is not worth further thought or concern. It's not worth it.

Beyond this incident, there is some serious bigotry out there about being fat. It is just as wrong as racism but is much more acceptable. I just don't get why it is, do people really believe that people choose to be large? Even this incident shows this, if that lady had come on the field and used the N word, every person there would have risen up against her and she would have been arrested. Call somebody fat and no one raises an eyebrow.

Cecil, that is a very good point.

Rosanne, How mean is that? Not to mention, totally out of line for a team sport that is meant for kids to grow, compete and be all they can be! My son plays soccer and I have heard it all, hubby coached many years for my daughter's softball team, the sport doesn't matter here, it is the parents/relatives who always are a problem. I would most certainly call that girl's parents and let them know of the incident and I am sure that child was embarrassed of her aunt's behavior as well. Let those parents know that behavior won't be tolerated and she is not allowed back on the soccer field and a formal apology is expected in the very least, probably won't happen, but another child has been hurt emotionally and verbally by that woman she-beast and that is a true pity. Lots of kids do sports to get in shape and she should not give up due to someone's cruel comments that obviously doesn't have a clue. Rec. soccer is open for all, we are not talking travel soccer at an olympic level for pete's sake!!!! Oh, and you are not fat, a size 12 is quite normal btw, don't let her get to you, she is an idiot and a very unhappy person who gets off on making other people unhappy. I am sorry to hear that her comments made that little girl cry, if I was there, I would have blasted her off the field. Welcome to the world of sports and coaching. Don't give up, the world needs more caring folks like you to coach, so our kids don't grow up like that woman!!! Hopefully, you can talk to that little girls parents and explain what happened and assure them that you would love to have her continue to play on your team. Let us know how things go. Wishing you the best and hold your head up High! You are doing a great job!!!

It's one thing to attack and peer, but absolutely unforgivable to attack a child. This woman obviously has serious problems and should be banned from any practices or games. I really don't think I'd ask her to apologize to the young lady and give her any chance to hurt someone again.

I also applaud your control. What a good role model you were for the kids and other parents. You didn't lash out and now you can take thoughtful action. I do believe the suggestion to hold a parents meeting is a good one. Guidelines on proper behavior should be handed out and a brief explanation of why it became necessary to do so.

My sister kills people like that with the most polite smile and then shames them with something like this. "I see you must be having a very bad day and I'll ask God to heal your heart. I'll have to ask you to leave now since you are not in control and can only continue to hurt yourself and others." Then she gathers the other people and goes about her business. I, on the other hand, am likely to want to say something along the lines of Winston Churchills'response to a woman who complained to him that he was inebriated. "Indeed I am, but I will be sober in the morning, and you madame, will still be ugly." Which would have just escalated things so you really did the right thing. I would talk to the girl who was the butt of her second comment. She should know that what the woman said was not only cruel and rude, but completely untrue. Tell her not to let the nasty you-know-what win and continue to have fun with soccer, a healthy lifestyle choice. Hopefully someone will give her an appropriate response to someone like that.

You are a beautiful lady. Don't let the witch get you down!

Well said everyone. Cecil, you also make a very very true comment. I work with a bunch of skinny women, and they used to evaluate everything I put in my mouth "do you know how much fat is in that? do you know how much sodium is in that? do you know how many calories are in that?" what they were really saying is "you are fat and you should not be eating that, you need to go on a diet." Well, I finally told them that they were not allowed to comment on my food anymore...and I am blunt about it...so they know. I'm sure they still talk about it behind my back, but at least I don't have to hear their "helpful suggestions" in regard to what I put into my mouth. One gal's husband "rewarded her" with designer jeans if she would get down to a size zero...she did, and she got her designer jeans...

Marilyn Monroe was a size 12 by the way...and Lucille Ball was a size 14.

I'd still like to cold cock the woman though...but better idea to call the parents and let them know what the Aunt said, but they may also feel the same way...you never know...prejudice is a learned behavior...

Social retardation seems to be growing at a staggering pace. Sports events seem to be a magnet for such people. Rosanne, you proved to be a better person then her. Size 12, you still fall into my babe scale.

Now I know why I love BT and feel like all of you are my close friends! You are all so awesome! I woke up still feeling pretty crappy but after reading all your posts feel 100 times better! Jerry, I feel honored! Thank you all!
I did speak to the little girls mom and she was so kind and understanding but asked me to please not point out who the women was because she will deck her. I have parent handouts to give next game on the rules and etiquette and a reminder that each parent signed a "Positive Alliance" agreement. (only positive feedback welcome) All of your comments were very well put and made every bit of sense. Cecil how sad but true your post was. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! And I will pass along the good vibes to the team. My husband was very understanding and told me to also have parent meeting and said many of the same things. I feel so much better! On to a better day! I'm getting the girls names embroidered on their shirts for them and they are excited about it. HUGE hugs to all...

And huge hugs back at you, Rosanne. I'm glad you're feeling better today.

Jerry, so true....

GH: True about prejudice is a learned behavior, sad, but true.

Rosanne, I have three children all who have done sports at various levels, rec, junior high, High School and even ASA Softball level for one, and I have found that over the years, the good coaches will hand out a paper with the "Rules for Good Sportmanship" to each player which is an excellent way for kids to be able to play the game and interact with other team players at an acceptable level of conduct. I have also had coaches take just the parents and tell them flat out to be quiet during the games, practices as their comments can disrupt their childs concentration ect., etc. and if they have a problem with their coaching, or another child, to take it up privately with said coach or feel free to call and discuss, but for everyone's sake, try the 24 hour rule of silence first, as emotions can and do run high, so before things get said that cannot be taken back or actions taken that both parties may regret, please take 24 hours to calm down and then approach the coach. Parents are also told that the coach will be telling the kids to ignore any comments from the sidelines so they can concentrate on the coach and their game. This is quite common procedure for sports in the higher levels and a shame that it seems that the younger levels are getting to the same point. My son, age 11, plays soccer and the coach has told the kids not to listen to their parents while playing on the field, just to him as the parents, meaning well of course, or at least some of them, tell their kids what to do and where to position themselves, and sometimes will ruin a possible goal or play by doing so, please don't get upset when your child is not doing what you yell to them to do. Even with the flyers, comments and things are said to upset either the coach, child playing and it is sad to watch this happen especially in the early years when playing a sport is "supposed" to be a fun and learning experience.

Rosanne, I was doing my above post then had to stop as my daughter in college just called and then I continued and didn't look to see your post prior. Great job on the flyers and glad that little girl is staying with her team!

I am feeling better now! A vote of confidence from a parent!
She wrote to me the following, I edited the names to honor the privacy.

Was thinking about the situation last night, and thought it might be a
good idea for you to make a written complaint to the league and that way
if this woman is actually a parent, there is grounds to dismiss her.
Personally I think she was just a crazy but now a days one never knows.
I just want to make sure this doesn't happen again to you or another
child.

Keep your head up high, we're lucky to have you in XXXXXXX soccer life
you're a wonderful role model.
Sincerely,

GH, was that girl healthy and happy @ a size zero?

Rosanna,

the mere fact that "she" left you speechless should be evidence enough of the fact that you are such a better person then her.

I on the other hand , (humbly referring to be qualified as a man of words by some BT-ers ;-)), would have done what I do best, .... verbal demolition!!!!
Pending the situation , presence of little children , pregnant women and/or nuns,I would huff and puff , turn purple in the face , grow some pounding vein on my temple , and then would totally , ( and I do mean totally!!!) tear down that persons appearance , behaviour , smell, looks , ancestors ( and the way they probably spend a lot of time in the fields with their wooly flock) , offspring , lack of potential past present and future chances of getting a livable life ,........
and if that wouldn't have turned her in to a sobbing puddle of misery , ... I would have penalty kicked her sorry a.. of the field in to some muddy ditch where she belongs.


sjossss

( and you thought YOU needed to vent ???LOL.)

btw, my dad used to coach the team I played in for several years , there have been occasions where I "corrected" some person who abused my fathers coaching by merely telling them they were talking about MY father and that I would be happy to "take it elsewhere" if thats the way they wanted things to go .

Jos, if there had not been children present and if I wasn't so taken off guard I think I would have done all the above you described. And I'm going to be petty here and say, she may have been one size smaller than me and um, not real attractive. Oh, I know I am bad and should be ashamed of myself for stooping to her level but.....sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do! Do I need to take up kickboxing or some other means of self defense? LOL

jos, call me, I have extra meds. Breath-breath, now count to ten, .........., there feel better?

But, you are right, kick her redneck A..!

Note to self: Don't ever get Sjosske mad!!!

Guess I will add my 2 pennies here.

1) I agree with all the above on controlling your anger. It shows how much character you have.

2) There is no excuse for hurting a child in anyway, shape, or form. And the parent of the child the aunt was there to watch should know about what happened so she can address it with her family member.

3) My dad (RIP) always taught me it doesn't matter if you are the janitor or the CEO as long as inside you have your heart in the right place all the rest doesn't matter for the rewards will come later. So size 2 or 12, rich or poor, white or black, tall or short...etc I know the folks here see your heart is in the right place so just don't change that part.

4) I would see if I can get about 5 or 10 Harley ladies to show up and she if she has any words she would like to express.....out of sight of the kids of course.

timmmmyyyy

Thanks Jerry , do you think I need help ??? Anger management or something like that , <evilgiggle>,....

Rosanne : Krav Maga , ....not kickboxing.

BlueHarley : pictures , we want pictures , LOL.

I'm a little late in joining the fray but I can't be silent... I am by no means a size 2 or 12, but I am more fit than a lot of size 2 or 12's
Most importantly, the only things that should be measured by size are hearts and minds and they both are better the bigger they are
Check Please!!!

Rosanne - you Rock!! I can't wait to meet you in person XOX

Go boom, very well put. Now do you feel better?

I vote with Cecil, punch her.

Just kidding. I agree with all... good job keeping your emotions in check! I would have probably said something back like, "Yeah? Well you are UGLY!" Because we all know how mature I am.

Hugs, and YGM.

i'm with you kelly...we think alike. scary isn't it?

I have to say that after many years of being involved in kids sports from pee wee to high school in many sports both school related and not,the coaches, board memebers, and voluntary fund raising people all are in seemingly thankless jobs putting up with unbelievable rudeness. One example: try to run a concession stand for many years - ha! I have had parents refuse to participate in any way in support of the sports and insult me and my husband for things we did not even do - but we would not blame or name those who made possible mistakes. I've been threatened and lied to, etc.... Hang in there and know the truth is you do it for the kids. Their personal growth and smiles makes it all worth while. And the quiet parents are usually well aware and appreciative. The aunt's rude comments to you and the girl --- how ignorant !!!! Cudos to you for not responding in the same way. Good luck in how ever you decide to deal further with this issue. Sounds like you will handle it well.
Denise

Rosanne, how miserable can this lady be to treat you this way!! So sorry to hear you had this confrontation. So lucky of these kids to have you as their coach!! Good luck in however you'll decide to take care of this issue. Do let us know.

kelly, don't sell yourself short. you are so mature that you make me look and act like a five year old. oh wait, i did that before i met you...never mind.

mary always said that the reason i got along so well with the guys on my shift on the fire department was that i could act at least as immature as they did....maybe she was onto something.