Warning - there is possibly a rampant crime wave among the denizens of Bonaire!

In 2000, we were ambushed and mugged while visiting an isolated spot in Gotomeer park.

The local community conspired to rob us in an elaborate offensive that was meticulously coordinated. We escaped, and luckily our embedded reporter documented almost all of the whole vile operation.

We were innocently traveling through Gotomeer, enjoying the wildlife. Little did we know that the group of flamingoes was purposefully distracting us with expertly planned diversionary tactics.



As we were watching the group of flamingoes, we were stopped by a donkey standing in the middle of the road. He would not let us pass.



We had driven right into an ambush!! As we were stopped contemplating how to get around our nemesis, another of his brethren attacked our flank, and demanded all our valuables... food.



Luckily, the bandits were sated, and we got away unharmed. Unfortunately, we did not have the foresight to report the crime to local authorities.

I have now learned that this small isolated assault has grown into a donkey crime wave.

I have heard reports of disguise-wearing donkeys assaulting other island visitors as well.



If we had only acted in time, this blatant crime spree could have been prevented at the onset.

Do your duty to report all crime, so that seemingly petty thefts can be stopped, before they grow out of hand.

_____________________________________________

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the all-in-bad-taste Tongue in Cheek Iguana Agency. Remember our motto is: If we can't shock you, no one can!

As less tourists visit Bonaire due to the Donkey crime wave, the Donkeys have graduated to stealing into shops.

The owner who did not want to be named said "I used to be able to keep my doors unlocked and now these Donkey thugs really take the biscuit"

On Oct 16 2001 this Donkey thug was caught on camera trying to break into a local residence in broad daylight. Luckily the bars on the door were secure and no harm was done, however an expensive guest logbook was missing from the scene.

One of the suspected ring leaders Nosh O'Caret was taken for a short walk to explain why he was found with two thongs and a car radio.


Source donkeys-donkeys.com

(Message edited by Brianl on April 28, 2005)

>>>>>>>News Release<<<<<<<

Copy-cat burglars seen on island..


More information as we get it...

Nosh O'Caret was found to innocent but he did grass on his masked friend Biscuit, who is now penned up for further questions.


Source donkeys-donkeys.com

Further security agents have been hired from Africa and are shown here strip searching a suspect by Gotomeer lighthouse.


Source http://nla.gov.au/nla.pic-an23549439-v

A psychiatrist has been hired to discover why the donkey behaviour has changed. He is shown here practising before meeting the more hardened suspects.


source http://www.let.uu.nl/~Eddy.Ruys/personal/donkey.htm

Strange happenings - a Donkey was photograhed after Teleporting out of the Police cell. Security are investgating to see if Aliens are behind the crime wave. The Donkey was subsequently re-arrested in a night club.


source http://www.invisiblewave.com/donkey/images/full/Gary%20the%20donkey.JPG

LMAO!!!

One of Bonaire's new speed camera shows the image of yesterday theft and hostage taking. This villan is alleged to be Don KeyOatHay the hostage is still missing and STINAPA are investing the illegal lobster fishing. "The lobster pots strung on the perps sides will be confiscated when we get him" said a representative. He also advised tourists not to buy Lobsters from the many new Donkey Lobster stalls that have sprung up along the dive sites.


source http://www.kinsalepharmacy.com/gallery2/pages/donkey_jpg.htm

Bonaire Police have so far been found to be sadly lacking in recognising these new crooks. A spokesman promised that they will embark on a massive training schedule and hope to be able to distinguish between Donkeys and tourists by the end of this year.

Picture from the first course


source http://www.mosunwedsosa.info/pages/Idee%20with%20donkey_JPG.htm

(Message edited by Brianl on April 28, 2005)

Security forces have invented a new Donkey trap this one was caught last night. He is now being rehabilitated at the new Police pound within the Donkey sanctuary.


source http://www.aouu51.dsl.pipex.com/pages/donkey_jpg.htm

Donkeys have also drifted into drug dealing, here two women are shown being forced into into a life of depravity as they plead with Don KeyOatHay for their children's return.


source http://www.heathermasterson.com/France_Pics/target45.html

Police have finally made the first breakthrough. They thought that they had stepped into something big and suddenly thought that they could smell the coffee.
However an expert realised it wasn't coffee but that it was in fact Donkey Doo and he also found the source of the Donkeys endless supply of Magic Mushrooms that have blighted island life for so long.


source http://www.atmos.uiuc.edu/~snodgrss/barbuda_trip_and_more/target44.html

Over to the next reporter.

Woo Hoo and I am finally over a 1000 posts.

As usual in these instances , we have been advised that there are supporters for this army of hay-eatting harlots..

>>>>>>>>>>News Break<<<<<<<<


Just in from our correspondents on the west side of Bonaire, there has been an outbreak of robberies and Muggings.. these poor people must have lost all their clothes in the robberies as they certainly would not be without them otherwise..

Don't you just hate been made an ass of

You guys are just fun-fun - LMAO
Have a great one everyone

Folks; it worsens Specially Trained Stealth Donkeys have also been seen on the island. So please don't leave your vehicle unattended near hay or debris that they could be hiding under.


source http://www.peacenomads.org/Photo%20Gallery/ENpages/donkey_under_hay.htm

(Message edited by Brianl on April 28, 2005)

(Message edited by Brianl on April 28, 2005)

It not certain if Al Qaeda have been training the Donkeys or if this is ancient Donkey training art showing that these outbreaks are not new.


source http://donkeymaster.tripod.com/illus/ex01.jpg

Could this latest drawing show the reason for the Donkeys sudden loss of trust with humans.


source http://donkeymaster.tripod.com/illus/ex05.jpg

LMAO!!!

The perps are also using stealth techniques to sneak up on the victims.



source: http://www.folsoms.net/donkey.shtml

What the donkeys think of all of this.



source: http://www.littlefriendsranch.com/More%20Fun%20Donkey%20Pictures.htm

And this is what the Donkey Gang does to celebrate...

http://www.thedonkeyshow.com/

This is scary. Check out the location!!!

The "Queen" of the Donkey's has been spotted, however, we are trying to get a positive ID on her face...


She has the baby donkey's under her "spell"


More have been spotted moving through the backroads...


They have also been seen gathering in "gangs"


The Queen has also been spotted creating a rucuss by jumping into crowds of donkey's and surfing on top of them...


They have also been spotted doing covert actions underwater


And undercover underwater

Battle draws near!

Will the Pink Flamingo Liberation Front prevail in its vigilante effort to stamp out rampant donkey hooliganism?

Will the Donkey Gang high-tail-it into the kunuku?

Can the PFLF counter the strange powers of the mysterious alien-neon-donkey with their pink-powered secret weapon?

Or will the Donkeys finally foil the fowl fanatics and firm their fiendish fete of pilfery on our beloved island paradise?

To find out...
tune in again next week (or two)...
same BAT time,
same BAT channel!

Okay, I've never told any one about my 'hit' during a donkey crime wave. I should have reported it but I was afraid of backlash -- these critters knew where I lived....

We rented a house on the water, Casa Cia. I put the trash in the green bin right near the gate (the next day was Tuesday, trash pick-up day) and then I closed the gate and went to bed.

I was woken up by a large CRASH in the front yard.

The donkeys managed to push open the gate and had knocked over the green trash bin and were feasting on our table scraps.

THEY ENTERED OUR PROPERTY WHILE WE WERE HOME!!!

I put on my sandals and tried to chase the donkeys out. In my most threatening voice I yelled "Donkeys, GET OUT!" but they ignored me. I could hear them laughing at me. Be mindful that these critters are NOT afraid of me!

Seb had to come out and chase them out of the gate.

I am sure that they figured out how to open the gate and came in to our property WHILE WE WERE AT HOME!!!!

We had to put a BIG rock next to the gate on the inside to make sure that these BAD donkeys would not enter our property again.

In time, I got over it. But, on return trips to Bonaire, every now and then I get an eerie feeling and I find myself being watched by a donkey.
They KNOW it's me and they are laughing...

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!Be Be BEEP BEEP

Local officials say they have an informant that is willing to help curb the rash of crimes local officials made the following observation::::

The camera zoomed into the fine white hairs lining the donkey's ears. The ass seemed to be quite aware of his audience. He waited in patience. His ear made a few fly-swatting twitches. He stood comfortably in the corner of a building half standing. He turned to look into the camera. He said he had seen it all happen. He had been there to hear the calls of death and then he turned away so that the camera framed his ear once again.

{image:C:\MyFiles\MISC Doc\Donkey3}

Exclusive Photo...informant exposed

I really don't know how you all think this stuff up. To use Kelly's famous words, you got me laughing so much, I am peeing my pants. I have a big black bruise on my ass where I fell off me chair too.


You are all so wonderful, and this just made my day.

Sweet dreams Honey's.

Sigh.... <<wink>>

You all are a hoot!

Our work is done here Freddie. If you can't herd them, get them laughing till they wee.


You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative.. hmmm hmm hmmm ...

ROFLMAO!!!!

Michelle S

and don't mess with Mr. In-between !!

thanks for the laughs all.

Mare

http://upchucky.net/%7Eupchucky/flash-fun/farmer-donkey.swf

Profound! LMAOROTFPMP.

Go change those pants Leif;-{)}

That's really cool Beauregard, and educational too!

Oh Mah heavens! Beau is back! OOOOoOooooh! I'm all a-titter!

Mare, the nawthern gal!

I have been a lurkin here for some time now and this discussion has brought back such paining memories for me. Perhaps you all can help me out! I was abducted by one of these horrid creatures years ago and have been unable to find my papa...here is the picture I have in my locket today of him as a handsome young gentleman searchin for gold in one of the rivers out west
And the scoundrel who took me away from our homey little cabin Please help me, Clemintine

Oh my darlin' Clemintine!
Such varmits to abduct you away from your papa whilst still such a youngin'.
Ah FEEL for ya darlin'!
Ah do!

Mare

Why thank you, you are most kind Mare! You can call me Tiny!

Ok Clementine. I got you sussed out. I knew you were dodgy. Your cover is blown. LMAO!

Ms. Minersdottir, as I am a father, your story sure touched my heart. I do hope that you find and may be reunited with your father. I imagine that after such a long time with no word, he must have thought you were lost and gone forever.

Dreadful story, Clementine.

I'm dreadful sorry that you have no word on him Beau as I beleive he shares a striking resemblance to your profile picture, and gosh and golly, I thought perhaps we was long lost cousins or somethin. I guess I should have noted that the above photo has been colorized so that folks might better recognize my daddy, even with that new fangled contraption that some travelin salesman sold to him for huntin for gold in the rivers...I have circulated this poster...my last sight of him travelin out to the mines from our cabin in the canyon on top of the brother of my abductor

I guess I was hopin that if someone didn't recognize my daddy they might recognize his ass...

(Message edited by c_minersdottir on May 1, 2005)

Clementine, I have three questions to ask of you.

First Question:
What size shoes did you where when you abducted?

Second Question:
How many siblings did you have?

What did you where for shoes?

Beau, that is such a personal question and I'm not sure how ladylike it is for me to answer in such a public forum...but I am desperate for news of my daddy. My feet are a size 9 but since it would not be ladylike to display such gawdawful flippers for feet, I wore herring boxes which I had taken off by the river at the time that dreaded donkey stole me away. He had kicked up water all over to make my daddy think I'd drowned. As for siblings, my one sister stayed behind at the cabin and my brothers stayed back east with my mother as she was too weak to travel. And now they are lost and gone to me as she passed with the consumption and they were taken to an orphanage where records of their whereabouts were lost in a devastating fire years ago. Now please, since you have requested so much personal information, tell me why you ask??

(Message edited by c_minersdottir on May 1, 2005)

Oh my darlin', Oh my darlin', Oh my DARLIN' Clementine,

It's the internet. It brings out the nosey parker in all of us.

Now tell us more:
Did these Herring Boxes have topses?

Do you have any pets?

Inquiring minds like mine what to KNOW!

No topses Mare, which led my little duckies to peck at my toes!

oh, my, my sister has taken to postin for me...after stealing my true love, she's trying to steal my identity!

Oh my darlin' Clementine, you have me rolling on the floor laughing my butt off!!!!

Mare

It ain't easy having an alter ego, is it?

One must be awfully careful with identity theft these days if that is what you mean Mare!