Let me tell you straight away that I will not be telling you anything about where we stayed on Bonaire because it was far too wonderful and you will all want to stay there despite the fact that it is quite expensive. If we told you it might mean that Bob and I will have a job booking when we want to, which is just not on! Anyway it is far too big for just two people and will be far too romantic for most hardened divers:


There is also the big snag that people you have only met briefly before will turn up on the balcony or in your driveway, use your pool and go diving from your private steps:\image4


(The fact that they are very nice people called Linda and Michael and Mary and Sebastian and we had a lovely time with them all has nothing to do with anything!):


We will not be telling you about the amazing veranda: or the beautiful swimming pool, only that there could be mosquitoes and the pool was warm in the afternoon which should put you off going, even if you knew where it was:






No-one with any sort of pollen allergy should even consider staying here for obvious reasons:


And anyone with a problem with reptiles should think again:


To go diving you had to go down a precipitous set of steps, which are incredibly difficult to use and the reef is awful because no-one dives it very much so the fish are not used to divers. It is a completely unfounded story that we saw eagle rays and turtles and we deny this completely.



We have taken some fish picture but we have not decided if we are going to scan them into the computer in case you like them.
We also don’t want you to know that Bert kept bringing tanks to the door, like an English milkman, and we thought it was excellent but most people would probably hate this.

Private requests for further information will be considered but the likelihood of replies is very slim.

More people:

Of course,Mary and Seb and Linda and Michael and Bob may think differently

Julia, I'm so sorry you had to "suffer" so much on this most recent trip. I agree, the place looks horrible, and to have people you have just met come trapsing through and wanting to dive and hang out...just unspeakable;-) The pool does not look very inviting, nor the doc...nor the water...oh, and thanks for not posting the horrible pictures of the sea life you saw...no one probably wants to see them anyway since the place was so bad ;-)

I THINK I know where you guys were staying, but we shall never speak of this again ;-) tee hee....on second thought, please post the horrible sea life pics

Guess I better get my reservation in now for Crown Courts 44a!

Belinda

Belinda...shhhhh....we must never speak of this again ;-)

Julia, I was having a lovely day after a spa treatment up in the foothills and you just ruined it with those frightening pics and scary fish stories...
I would like to see the dreaded sea life however, so I will know what to avoid on my October trip with Cynde.....
ROTFLOL...love the START of your report!

P.S. you forgot to warn us about how watching the sunset there could potentially cause permanent blindness......

Ah...Babs...yes...the sunset was probably so blinding that Julia can't even speak or write about it ;-) We must remember to avoid all sunsets in October, particularly from the Belmar balcony ;-)

Glad you had a good spa day treatment gal

Yes, Julia (and Bob), it was only your kindness and hospitality that made roughing it with you on our first visit to your vacation villa bearable. It was such a compromise after your comfortable abode last year. I must admit that were it not for the lure of getting to meet Mary and Seb, we could hardly have tolerated that SECOND visit. The squalid conditions you were forced to endure for two whole weeks were difficult to witness. You both met the challenge with courage and forbearance--that amazing "stiff upper lip" we've come to expect from the British. Such wonderful role models you were! And you forgot to mention the health hazards posed by the iguana "guano" (iguano?). That patio was hardly habitable.
In the interest of protecting BTers from possible harm, we shall join you in maintaining the secrecy of this miserable accommodation.
Cheerio!

Julia, thanks for taking the time to post. It is very important that we warn others of all the negative experiences we have had.

I can't imagine, fish that don't know how to interact with divers. People leaving tanks of air at your door expecting you to use them. How rude - GEESH!!

Julia, as your stay was so horrifying and intrusive, I would like to offer my services as your personal security service. The property shall be diligently patrolled, unwanted guests dealt with expeditiously, gear tended to and secured, food tasted for acceptability, and all dives accompanied with my promise to put myself between you and the nasties. My fee is reasonable and negotiable.

Smack

I think Smack needs an assistant! I volunteer my services, also! (After all, it's just in the spirit of helping out our fellow BTer's!)

Are you guys talking about hanging out at the Black Durgon??? I am just guessing. I have never been to Bonaire but just the picture of the sun set and everything that I have been checking out, it would be a guess of mine. Will anybody tell me if I am close?? Kent

Thank you for your kind offer, John. Your associate, Tom Cousino, has suggested that we meet in October and dive together. If this meeting occurs we can perhaps discuss the matter of personal security and loud music at leisure.

Kent, close but not close enough!

Julia, I am still crying a river for all the pain and suffering you endured during your trip. ROTFCMAO!!!

Smack, morning of the 24th at the webcams, Bob, Julia, you and I. Hopefully Mary and Dirk will join us as well.

I just got caught up on your thread and would like to offer my services. I am a retired trained life guard and feel that the conditions of the pool are much too dangerous for lovely people like yourselves to have to endure. I am willing to give up grad school and come protect you while you are forced to use such subpar amenities. Please advise as to when you need me to arrive...

You are all killing me with the best tongue-in-cheek trip report I've ever lurked through. I suppost the final indignity was no Marmite in the kitchen supplies...?
Cheerio from across the pond.

It seems to me that a whole crew is necessary to ward off all the dangers - I have gear and equipment to offer as well
Minimal notice required (1 hour!)
Ta Ta!

What is missing from the expedition is a photographer/reporter, we do want every indignation properly recorded for a future UN investigation. I volunteer my humble services. I could only imagine the terrible tortures that were occurring there as I drove by last week, a shiver went up my spine.

OMG - Cecil, think of it: photographer, lifeguard, equipment supplier, personal security and assistant... yup I think we have it all covered any others?
Thanks Julia.. when should we pack?

I think Cecil needs an assistant photographer!! We have to make sure we capture all that is going on!

Julia, thank you for that wonderful report! I laughed, I cried, I laughed again.

And Seb and Mary... aren't they TERRIFIC???

Color me jealous. But only for the next 38 days.

I am sorry to do this to you all but I really must turn down all your kind offers on the grounds of safety. I'm sure you will understand after you see these pictures: and the terribly bad fish life: I am worried about the risks you people might be taking:and really must keep you from danger: Apart from these problems: there is also the problem of the refrigerator: I think I will have to ask Linda or Seb or Mary to tell you about the fridge, it has had a terrible effect on Bob and I feel I can't discuss this.

Julia, Do not worry, I am willing to jump into harm's way for you and Bob;-{)}

ps: I know how to tame even the most dangerous refrigerator.

What a horrible experience to read on a Monday morning!!!

Oh, Julia, you poor dear soul for having to endure such torture. My sympathies !

Thanks for sharing your report. I'm sorry to admit this, but I enjoyed reading about your adversities.

It's not that the refrigerator is dangerous, just ADDICTIVE, it affected every visitor but prolonged exposure created severe problems for Bob when we returned home.

Julia, I think there are support groups for Fridge Addiction for Bob...please do tell of what woes he is suffering because of that ugly beast

Cynde,we live in a tiny bungalow, we have a very nice fitted kitchen, we have a small fridge and a small freezer. It's England, we don't need to store everything in a fridge. But, at the place that must not be named, the fridge was plumbed in, when you went past you could get cool water, crushed ice, even ICE CUBES, without opening the freezer. You could open a small door and get you Amstel without opening the fridge. It was all too much for someone as mechanically minded as Bob.
I am dreading coming home one day to find Bob with a hacksaw and duct tape. No-one else must be put at risk in this way.

Julia,

You can't use that excuse here on the other side of the pond! All that available in fridges here, and more, in stores on every street corner. I expect that is so even in the wilds of the north like western Ontario where they use fridges to keep things 'warm' even in spring and fall.

I like your term 'fitted kitchen'. I was in England for four months some years ago in a 'fitted flat'.

Glen, we cook with fridges up here ;-)
How ya doing?

Horrible , just horrible, the suffering , the agony.
there is just no way I can stand by and let this happen to you again , I must offer my services as a first aider and interprator and would be cook .
I can block a pretty mean fridge too !!!

Julia , the "amstel-door" story reminds me of the hit single by the Young Ones ft Sir Cliff,
Neil: "he's coming trough the door now"
Vivian: "and he didn't even open it"

LOL

sjosss

Fiona,

Hi. Thought you might lurking.

Doin' ok. You will have mail later.

(Message edited by glenr on August 23, 2005)

You go girl some things are just better left unsaid and there's nothing wrong with being stingy of your hide away, there's just not enough of them left to go around. Nice story....