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Trip Reports: Catch A Falling Star & Put It In Your Pocket (Chapter 4)
Bonaire Talk: Trip Reports: Archives: Archives 2000 to 2005: Archives - 2001-05-19 to 2001-11-29: Catch A Falling Star & Put It In Your Pocket (Chapter 4)
Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Andy Keely on Monday, November 26, 2001 - 3:17 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Stevie Jiveon swayed gently as he stood on the rocks protecting the once well manicured beach from the sea at the Plasha resort. A half empty bottle of Scotch hung from his left hand, whilst his right shielded his bloodshot eyes from the worst of the late morning sunlight as he looked depairingly out to sea. A few small fragments of newly qualified open water diver bobbed mockingly in the water at his feet. He simply couldn't believe it. Things had been going so well. Why, only last week PADI had announced that they were to award his operation the previously unheard of "Platinum Resort" status.
Stevie, a Mancunian by birth, had recently invented & overseen the introduction of a new diving concept....After the traditional Open Water course, when his newly qualified students usually resembled well fattened pigs that had fallen into the drinking trough, he hit upon the idea of making or breaking them with..."The Advanced Single Dive" course. This single dive incorporated all the core skills of the previous Advanced course it replaced, plus a few more. Such a simple idea, with benefits for everyone. He was amazed that he'd been the first to come up with it. He was even able to charge slightly more for the service too, as most students did'nt come equipped with the blindfolds that were necessary, so he was able to hire these out for an additional $10. Why blindfolds, you ask? Well, let me explain the dive. Indeed, let's take you through it just as it as it happened a few short hours ago this morning.
Gnasher, Stevies trusted DM had left the hotels jetty aboard the Green Flash at 09:00 with a dozen anxiously excited newly certified Open Water divers. Each now had five dives under their belt, (for which they had been praised profusely & assured that they were now diving like real pros...as the money changed hands) so it had been easy for Gnasher to convince them that they'd find this mornings Advanced dive "a breeze".
"Briefing!" hollered Gnasher. They gathered round expectantly. "Right. Now we're tied up to the wreck of the Windjammer. It's lying below us in some 180 plus feet of water. When I give the command Go, I want you to roll in backwards & make your way to the boats bows...No Beverley. The bows are the sharp end...& then feel your way down the shot line until your fins or head make contact with the wreck. Remember. At this stage your blindfolds must still be in place, & I'll be checking, as up until now this has been the night dive section of the dive. You can now remove the blindfold & I want to see them all safely stowed away in your BCD pockets, or you'll be billed an extra $20 for the loss, back ashore later. Those of you doing the drysuit speciality will probably find that now is a good time to inject a little air before the external water pressure finally causes your bladder to release its sphincter control. Yes Bev. You've got it in one! I do mean that you'll p*ss yourself. There will now follow a three minute tour of the wreck during which time I expect each of you doing the optional Naturalists speciality to identify at least ten different species of coral. Shine your torches on one of them & you'll see how colours are lost at depth.{Doing a night dive during daylight, whilst wearing a blindfold had rendered torches redundant. This would obviously have led to a loss in hire revenue, so Stevie had come up with the above convenient solution}. Now we will all gather at the ships bows....Way to go Bev, you've got it!!...Those of you doing the Decompression option will stay here for a further four minutes before beginning your stops & catching up with us. The rest of you will commence a gradual navigated ascent over the next four miles following a heading of 047 degrees which should bring you back to the boat which will now be moored in the cove at Boca Slagbaai where we will complete your log books. There will follow a celebratory picnic during which I will hand out your certification badges. Oh, & I nearly forgot. You'll all hand over your course fees & any gratuities, which are always most welcome, to me.
Any Questions?........No Bev. Your weight belt goes under your jacket!"
As it happened Bev didn't make the dive. Nerves & seasickness took there toll & she waved tearfully to the others as they disappeared unseeingly behind their blindfolds into the depths below. She clutched the boats handrail trying unsuccessfully to wipe the last of her breakfast from her new bright pink Vector jacket & found herself wondering (as we all do in such times) just where the hell all the carrots had come from?! She felt desperate & prayed to be ashore again. Her prayers were answered almost instantly. Well, it was certainly instantly & they were almost answered. Without prior warning a Chevrolet sized piece of rock smashed into the foredeck of the Green Flash which responded by living up to it's name! Yes. It was an advance "messenger" from the forthcoming Leonid meteor shower. Some of Bev found itself ashore instantly, whilst the rest of her joined her shipmates in the water.
Back at the Plasha, Stevie stooped to pick up what looked like the remains of a jacket pocket from the water. It was, & he idly pulled at the zip. Seawater poured out, carrying with it a blindfold & a credit card bearing the name Miss B Zomick.
Ah well, it's an ill wind...& all that. Clutching the card Stevie turned towards his dive shop & the ever ready swipe machine.
Wonder where the hell those seven English idiots have got to? They've been in the water three hours now!
stevie

Needless to say, all the characters mentioned are entirely fictional & any similarities to those living or dead are purely coincidental. Any resulting attempted legal prosecutions will be defended against with vigour!

Steve, I know you're lurking out there & despite the above, you know that I think you're a great guy. You'll get a fairer "hearing" in a few days time.
Well, Dave I tried my utmost to spice it up a little but I don't think it worked, eh? I'll return to my "word drip torture" as you so aptly put it tomorrow.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Anonymous on Monday, November 26, 2001 - 8:49 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Andy,
The dive described above was actually created by the Dive Leader of the BSAC Ponderosa Dive Club in Cyprus, the island in the Med, about 12 years ago using the "Zenobia" wreck in Larnaca harbour. An interesting historical note is that the Zenobia which is a 10,000 ton roll on- roll off container ferry, had over 40 trucks still chained in the car deck so the above mentioned Dive Leader showed great potential for greater things by hooking up with a local repair shop and offered a mechanics course during the 1 hour deco stop. Only $149.99 plus 17% vat. ( Tools not included.)

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Andy Keely on Tuesday, November 27, 2001 - 2:06 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

I see Steve. Respect given! We learn something every day, don't we? I had no idea that you spent some of your formative years as a Dive Leader in Cyprus.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Glen Reem on Tuesday, November 27, 2001 - 10:47 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

A 10,000 ton RO-RO sunk in harbor while loaded. There must be an inyeresting story, or dumbness, or both, behind that.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Carole Baker on Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 12:35 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Don't bail out on us now, Andy! We are in such awe of your spinning of tales, that we are spellbound and speachless...that is why we don't always respond! Please continue with your epic/saga! Carole (Shutterbug)

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Carole Baker on Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 12:36 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

oops....speechless! cb

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Steve Jevon on Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 9:08 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

I did not see the Zenobia go down but I do know that as it was exiting Larnaca harbour the on board computer told the crew to fill the port ballast when actually it should have been the starboard!! As it still had not closed the loading ramp fully woops down it went. Everyone got off safely and due to insurance claims with Cypriot government there was no salvage allowed. It still lies between 145 and 100 feet at the bottom on its side. It was one of the best dives I ever made with containers still full of variuos products from eggs, which remained intact for about 5 years until some idiots trashed them, to toys etc.
You could get pictures of yourself making coffee in the canteen, sat in a truck cab or relaxing in a lifeboat.
Do not know what it's like now as not been for 10 years.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Glen Reem on Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 10:20 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Sure, blame the computer. Operators never fail.

Sounds as though they had a rather small stability margin. Nothing like an upper deck load of full containers with the hold not loaded!!!

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Steve Jevon on Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 1:03 pm:     Edit PostPrint Post

No, the hold was loaded that is where all the diving was done, but after 5 days in port enjoying the delights of down town Larnaca, which during the summer was home to more Scandinavian beauties than there are fish around Bonaire, right, left....port, starboard....who knows; but for sure that old bad habit of pulling out before the loading ramp is secured was the final downfall.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Andy Keely on Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 5:49 pm:     Edit PostPrint Post

What the devil's going on here Steve?! I thought that you didn't allow yourself the luxury of this sort of idle chit-chat?
A funny thing happened this morning that will probably amuse you in particular. I answered the phone & the guy at the other end informed me that he was Nick Davies, Plazas UK rep, & he was calling regarding my recent corespondence. My heart skipped a beat as I at first thought he was referring to Chapter 4. It was a great relief when I realised that he was just following up on my offer to display some advertising material in my reception area for you. Guess I deserved it, eh? Haven't forgotten your Guardian crossword. I'll nip down to the local fish & chip shop, & rummage thru' their waste bin to see if I can find the relevant used piece of broad sheet with it on as I'm rather financially embarrassed at the moment, meaning that buying you a new one this Sunday is sadly out of the question.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Jake Richter - NetTech on Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 6:13 pm:     Edit PostPrint Post

Andy,

You may be even more amused to find that the very same Nick Davies who called you was the former manager at Capt. Don's Habitat on Bonaire, up until Sept. 2001, when he moved back to the UK to start a rep/marketing business. Small world, eh? :-)

Jake

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Sarah on Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 6:33 pm:     Edit PostPrint Post

Andy, if you'd like to save on postage (and if Steve can hold off for another 9 days), I'll drop it off to him myself (or Hugh will).. though, you might want to include something "naughty", so if that's the case, then send it to him direct!!! S:)

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Andy Keely on Thursday, November 29, 2001 - 2:12 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Thanks for the kind offer Sarah. "Naughty"....Moi? Surely not.
Actually, whilst he hasn't plucked up the courage to come right out & ask for it, I'm sure that what Steve really craves is the Sunday Sport. For the uninitiated anongst you, this seemingly innocent sounding English "rag" contains material that even Holland would think twice about displaying on its book shop shelves!

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Andy Keely on Thursday, November 29, 2001 - 2:37 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Well there's a thing Jake. Next you'll be telling me that Walt II was none other than Walt Disney?
I have this picture of you in my minds eye, arriving back at your gate & staring upwards at the now ten foot high Grendel.
Still on the Capt Don's manager theme.....apart from failing to see Meryl during my stay, not meeting Jack Chalk was my only other regret during my 2 week stay (not counting the time I got so drunk at Mary & Walt's that I couldn't get my words out {& you know how much that would hurt me!}). I particularly wanted to meet him as he (like Walt) had offered to let my group download their digital pics to disc using his computer. It seems very unfair that to repay this kindly gesture I will soon be critisising his resort. It would only have been right & proper to discuss my "disappointments" face to face with him first. Ah well, I reckon his shoulders will be broad enough to take it.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Sarah on Thursday, November 29, 2001 - 6:37 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Andy, you're most welcome.. "Steve".. and the Sunday Sport... surely NOT?????

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Steve Jevon on Thursday, November 29, 2001 - 8:10 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Sarah, no thanks for the SS, you know the Obs. is more my style.
Andy did bring a Sunday Sport but all the pics were cut out. One of his crew told me he keeps them in a scrap book at the back of kennel #41.
Andy one small question.. why did you not download on my computer.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Sarah on Thursday, November 29, 2001 - 8:58 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

Steve, that's what I thought.. Do you want a copy of the Obs.. or perhaps you can get it there anyway??

Andy, as you can see, secrets can be let out right here on this board!! Gosh, that's a worrying thought! Well, that's it for me.. I'll check back with you Steve if you want that paper.. must get on and study now.. I have an exam tomorrow!! TTFN.. S:)

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Andy Keely on Thursday, November 29, 2001 - 6:42 pm:     Edit PostPrint Post

Come on Steve, that's not plausible. If I'd cut out all the pics there'd be nothing left atall.
To answer your small question...check out "CD-RW on Island?" in the Everything Else section. Quite simply only Jack & Walt offered. I guess you were too busy trying to get 1 up to notice the request. Maybe that should read 1 down? Maybe not? Crosswords were never one of my strong points.

 

Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page Link to this message  By Sarah on Friday, November 30, 2001 - 11:59 am:     Edit PostPrint Post

It's OK Andy, your secret is safe with us!

 


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